when you dream about something apparently unachieavable for years and it occupies most of your thoughts and most of your interests, it becomes an ache. a burden you carry everywhere. into your relationships, into the way you experience circumstances or moments. and you find yourself feeling guilty for not being able to feel 100% happy for others who are actually blessed with what you long to be blessed with. it’s selfish and you know it. and that adds to the ache, to the pain. i’m still learning to be content, even if this longing, this ache, this little whole never go away. a lifetime of being shaped and molded into what i’m supposed to be. more like Him, less like me.
‘rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.’ romans 12.15